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F "6N*fүic^='"gM;9mbff޾O@u;> endobj 15 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 0.3 >> endobj 16 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /CA 1 >> endobj 17 0 obj << /Type /ExtGState /BM /Normal /ca 1 >> endobj 18 0 obj << /Type /Page /MediaBox [0.000 0.000 595.280 841.890] /Parent 3 0 R /Contents 19 0 R >> endobj 19 0 obj << /Filter /FlateDecode /Length 551 >> stream xSn0+Ht8pD]CՃI[${3#|Q NvC endstream endobj xref 0 20 0000000000 65535 f 0000000009 00000 n 0000000074 00000 n 0000000120 00000 n 0000000417 00000 n 0000000454 00000 n 0000000603 00000 n 0000000706 00000 n 0000002123 00000 n 0000002232 00000 n 0000002340 00000 n 0000002448 00000 n 0000002561 00000 n 0000003350 00000 n 0000087418 00000 n 0000087477 00000 n 0000087536 00000 n 0000087593 00000 n 0000087650 00000 n 0000087755 00000 n trailer << /Size 20 /Root 1 0 R /Info 5 0 R /ID[] >> startxref 88379 %%EOF Avant d’aimer, on aime déjà - Le Torchis

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Avant d’aimer, on aime déjà

Ce que je trouve très troublant, c‘est que nous changeons sous l’effet d’un manque, sous l’effet de la joie, de la souffrance … Sous l’émotion, les émotions. Mais jamais par décision consciente ou rationnelle.

Jamais par l’effort qui ne repose sur rien. « Ex-nihilo » n’existe pas. Rien ne vient du néant. Il n’y a pas de néant. 

Avant « rien », il y avait déjà quelque chose … 

Avant d’aimer, on aime déjà. Sans l’avoir rencontré. On aime déjà un rêve d’amour, une idée de l’amour. 

Avant de devenir quelqu’un d’autre, quelqu’un qui est à la fois un nouveau soi, mais aussi et toujours, cet ancien soi, il y avait déjà le rêve secret de notre moi changé.

Ce que j’essaie de dire, c’est que le vide n’existe pas. Il y a toujours quelque chose dans le silence de soi, dans l’absence à soi, dans la fuite ou le refus, dans l’immaturité, dans l’irresponsabilité. 

Avant d’être moi, j’étais déjà tout moi mais sous une autre forme, une forme en préparation. En cours d’amélioration. Tu comprends ? J’attendais le meilleur moment de devenir qui je suis aujourd’hui … 

C’est donc vrai : on ne devient que ce que l’on est. 

Il y avait celui ou celle que j’allais devenir, que je voulais devenir. Mais j’attendais d’en avoir la force. Il faut la force de nos rêves, la force de soulever nos incapacités, de nous dépasser, de se dresser sur la pointe des pieds pour être plus haut que soi. 

C’est là le seul défi qui vaille. Être plus haut que soi. A l’infini.

Je me demande ce qu’il y a de meilleur que l’extase de s’escalader pour se dépasser. La joie que l’on en retire n’a d’égal que la naissance. Peut-être même que c’est encore une naissance que de devenir un peu plus soi. S’agrandir. 

Pour lui souhaiter un bon anniversaire  elle lui avait dit : « bon agrandissement ! »

On avait ri. 

C’est maintenant, que je comprends. 

Martine Benz. [Divine Marquise]®️

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